Newly Separated? Avoid These Mistakes
The Dos and Don’ts for Newly Separated Couples
Newly Separated couples often do and say things that they’ll regret in the future. Emotional outbursts and acts in the name of revenge are often the cause of money lost, child custody at risk, and even folks getting physically hurt. The reason? It’s a difficult, emotional, and unbelievably vulnerable time during which newly separated couples become temporarily different people.
A confident, stable person can turn into an insecure, emotional mess – always unsure of themselves and unable to get their life together. It’s a time of weakness and vulnerability, but it doesn’t need to trigger extreme acts like the ones we’ll talk about in this article. Don’t argue in front of your children and put each-other down is on top of the list.
Insecurity and self-hatred can lead to bad choices. This is usually temporary behavior but if avoided it can make your life a lot easier.
Learn From Others
We were recently told a story of a divorced man who was separated a few years ago. He had a few glasses of whiskey one night and left a long message on his soon to be ex’s voicemail, using several four-letter words and spewing out threats. She gave the information to the opposing Attorney, let’s just say the outcome was not in his favor.
When People Are Separated, They Sometimes Say or Do Crazy Things!
For some, being newly separated can feel like you’re on trial, being watched and judged. It’s scary. You don’t know what your ex is going to do, or what choices your ex might make. All of a sudden, this once so-familiar person has become the enemy – even a total stranger.
It’s a terrible feeling of betrayal from someone you shared your life with and often have children with. The memories of togetherness go back to high school prom and college years. Shared friends, shared stories, shared losses of family members, friends, and animals. How does all of that go away overnight? There is hate, and all love is forgotten. Friends are forced to choose which side they’re on. Family gatherings become awkward and forced. Some ex-wives and ex-husbands never get better. They spend their entire life trying to make the other person miserable. That can be very difficult for the children involved.
12 mistakes to avoid if You’re Newly Separated
(1) Talk badly about your ex and argue in front of your kids.
(2) Send an email, or text message that you wouldn’t want a judge or an attorney to view.
(3) Drink and drive over your ex’s place.
(4) Leave voicemail messages for ANYONE after you’ve been drinking – or even if you’re sober – that might paint you in the wrong light.
(5) Talk badly about your ex to people in your community.
(6) Blast your ex on Social Media.
(7) Contact your attorney about every little argument.
(8) Date someone else openly before the divorce is final.
(9) Take drugs or drink excessively to numb the pain.
(10) Threaten your ex or your children.
(11) Tear up old photos or destroy family memories that you might want when the dust has settled.
(12) Continue to have sex with your ex during divorce, this can really prolong the case and keep you from moving on.
The actions mentioned above usually turn into regrets, prolong the divorce, and sometimes cause legal consequences that could have been avoided.
Being newly separated is hard. The frequent feelings of hopelessness add to the pain. Some counselors actually say divorce is worse than the death of a spouse, because, for someone who doesn’t want a divorce, their ex is still alive but chooses not to be with them. When someone dies, you can hang onto the memories of love and think about your husband/wife in a favorable way. After a divorce, you have the memories of the ugly proceedings.
It’s good to stay away from acute drama until you’re mentally and emotionally stable enough to handle the pain without being vulnerable or crazy.
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